Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year