I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.