So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.