There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn