I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.