She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.