In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo