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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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