Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
wow bdsm is so cute
where are my pants?
in the oven.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.