I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night