Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards