I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites