Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (908)

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.

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  (908): And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on. http://tfl.nu/q88b
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  There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.

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  (908): There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great. http://tfl.nu/ao5x
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  I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.

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  (908): I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping. http://tfl.nu/2e7t
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  I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.

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  (908): I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly. http://tfl.nu/i4iy
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  He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.

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  (908): He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound. http://tfl.nu/kpce
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  he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward

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  (908): he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward http://tfl.nu/i7kv
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  Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends

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  (908): Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends http://tfl.nu/ooil
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  I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows

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  (908): I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows http://tfl.nu/eaw6
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  HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.

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  (908): HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW. http://tfl.nu/s4dk
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  I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.

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  (908): I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon. http://tfl.nu/vwke
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  Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?

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  (908): Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka? http://tfl.nu/zznq
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  I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls

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  But you'll make an exception

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  probably not

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  (908): I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls (1-908): But you'll make an exception (908): probably not http://tfl.nu/9drh
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  She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.

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  (908): She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass. http://tfl.nu/vr1h
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  This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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  (908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf
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  After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.

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  (908): After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher. http://tfl.nu/fy1c
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