I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.