wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
