So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.