So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.