elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?