He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
HE'S GAY. AND 40.