Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone