I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor