Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to