Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Kansas (620)

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  She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever

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  (620): She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever http://tfl.nu/3n5f
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  I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?

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  (620): I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get? http://tfl.nu/ju2n
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  my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

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  (620): my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts http://tfl.nu/naa2
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  Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.

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  (620): Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like. http://tfl.nu/q54q
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  The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

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  (620): The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices". http://tfl.nu/jiwo
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  Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.

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  (620): Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day. http://tfl.nu/8ts7
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  If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no

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  (620): If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no http://tfl.nu/7ldp
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  Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid

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  (620): Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid http://tfl.nu/4wb3
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  I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.

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  (620): I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin. http://tfl.nu/7pmc
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  throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

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  (620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79
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  Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.

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  (620): Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed. http://tfl.nu/m5ja
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  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
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  new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either

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  (620): new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either http://tfl.nu/a5gg
  Replies (3) Good night (2050) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.

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  (620): You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on. http://tfl.nu/djzq
  Replies (10) Good night (3549) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.

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  (620): He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/7tli
  Replies (20) Good night (3965) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt