My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.