He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.