And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.