Sext me about skeletons
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long