It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.