should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sext me about skeletons
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.