The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?