Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good