Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...