I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.