Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool