fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.