I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Drunk is not a location!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won