He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick