Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.