I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
