I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice