i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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