so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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