i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?