just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
