I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.