I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"