Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dating After Heartbreak
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.