I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila