Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.