I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night