Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (408)

Last Night in California (408)

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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.

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(408): Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding. http://tfl.nu/vpqq

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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.

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(408): I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate. http://tfl.nu/p4ru

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After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.

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(408): After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex. http://tfl.nu/hxmy

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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??

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your beer goggles are on backwards.

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(707): is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive?? (408): your beer goggles are on backwards. http://tfl.nu/ojnh

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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.

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You did a keg stand on the toilet?!

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(408): Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying. (831): You did a keg stand on the toilet?! http://tfl.nu/1e43

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dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out

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(408): dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out http://tfl.nu/y59w

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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety

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(408): She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety http://tfl.nu/edsh

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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.

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(408): You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it. http://tfl.nu/jmvc

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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.

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(408): I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER. http://tfl.nu/adi1

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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.

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(408): I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night. http://tfl.nu/u07w

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I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty

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(408): I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty http://tfl.nu/k1cq

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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit

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I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards

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(408): She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit (1-408): I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards http://tfl.nu/ssrb

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I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you

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(408): I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you http://tfl.nu/72n4

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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!

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(408): He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!! http://tfl.nu/u5h8

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Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos

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(408): Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos http://tfl.nu/v3p3

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Last Night in California (408)

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