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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
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