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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
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