found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger