While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.