so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?