I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..