IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.