Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.