He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just forgot I was standing up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.