Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just forgot I was standing up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.