Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...