I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
did i just pee glitter
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is