Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving