jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.