I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice