Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (239)

Last Night in Florida (239)

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

(239): View more from Florida

I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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(724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED" (239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink. http://tfl.nu/ryur

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(239): View more from Florida

Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

(801): View more from Utah

Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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(239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2

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(239): View more from Florida

All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth

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(239): All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth http://tfl.nu/rwpm

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(239): View more from Florida

He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.

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(239): He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish. http://tfl.nu/b945

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(239): View more from Florida

His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...

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(239): His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during... http://tfl.nu/a1a1

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(239): View more from Florida

I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.

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(239): I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life. http://tfl.nu/rpst

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(239): View more from Florida

I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!

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(239): I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you! http://tfl.nu/6j2k

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(239): View more from Florida

We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk

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(239): We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk http://tfl.nu/ub56

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(239): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.

(1-239): View more from Florida

I told you I'd buy you lunch.

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(239): I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail. (1-239): I told you I'd buy you lunch. http://tfl.nu/jsln

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(239): View more from Florida

allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.

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(239): allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee. http://tfl.nu/rbdo

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(239): View more from Florida

i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.

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(239): i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose. http://tfl.nu/xxid

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(239): View more from Florida

im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.

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(239): im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me. http://tfl.nu/81g0

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(239): View more from Florida

I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.

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(239): I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore. http://tfl.nu/vgm4

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(239): View more from Florida

Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.

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(239): Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different. http://tfl.nu/tl6x

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(239): View more from Florida

dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.

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(239): dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me. http://tfl.nu/b0dd

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Last Night in Florida (239)

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