I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is Oprah even human
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.