So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD