Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am never drinking with the goths again.