I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.