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Last Night in Illinois (224)

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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker

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Do you believe in miracles?

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(224): Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker (847): Do you believe in miracles? http://tfl.nu/9830

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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?

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(224): We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today? http://tfl.nu/c57g

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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.

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(224): We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods. http://tfl.nu/n3ep

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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."

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(224): I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning." http://tfl.nu/k4en

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Stop whining I left you with whiskey

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YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.

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(224): Stop whining I left you with whiskey (1-224): YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE. http://tfl.nu/439l

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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.

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Too low?

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Yes.

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(224): This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd. (309): Too low? (224): Yes. http://tfl.nu/cgtr

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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?

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(224): Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right? http://tfl.nu/9x3c

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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.

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(224): I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store. http://tfl.nu/th0h

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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.

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(224): Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God. http://tfl.nu/uf0o

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That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.

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(224): That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass. http://tfl.nu/rpga

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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping

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(224): you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping http://tfl.nu/igay

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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.

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(224): Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds. http://tfl.nu/o3kx

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My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

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Elaborate

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Strip Mario-Kart

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(224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36

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At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk

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(224): At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk http://tfl.nu/rjll

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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."

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Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.

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(618): He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you." (224): Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out. http://tfl.nu/vy5b

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Last Night in Illinois (224)

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